HMOs spout philosophies:
Excellent treatment without no high fees.
Patients come for help to cure disease.
HMOs prescribe hemlock used on Socrates.

Not just me!
HMO patients do say.
"Health plans are bashing the patients today."
But Bob say,
"When the patients learn to play
HMO HARDBALL makes the greedy plans pay!"

HMOs imitate the movie "Cocoon."
Put sick patients in pods on bottom of lagoon.
"Rescue denied" their health plans say,
"Til aliens give HMOs bonus pay."

That's right! That's right!

Darth Vader is HMO ombudsman.
Dark side of health plan force avoids light from the sun.
Count on him to be your advocate.
You'll get all the patient rights of laboratory rat.

HMOs pay lawyer sharks.
Defenseless patients be easy marks.
Patients swim in health plan legal sea.
HMO Jaws eats them for hourly fee.

HMOs love sci-fi series Star Trek.
Decided to treat their patients high tech.
Hired Klingon doctors to do their thing.
It was experimental treatment on human beings.

Disease management is HMO creed.
Cookbook treatment fulfills patients' needs.
Actuaries cost out their disease,
Claiming treatments are not medical necessities.

HMOs love external reviewers.
Paid lotsa cash, if they be good patient screwers.
When sick patients submit their appeals.
Review consists of rigging game of Fortune Wheel.

Politicians do calypso dance.
Protection laws they never advance.
HMOs write outrageous checks
To stop laws forcing them to treat their patients correct.

Health plan executives network in Florida.
Each December hotels cost more.
Surf and sand in weather fair,
Depriving health plan patients of intensive care.

HMOs put patients on assembly line.
Burger King role model treats the patients fine.
Extra cheese and pickles they not get.
Doctors' production requirements will not be met.

Bob says patients can beat HMO.
Shows how to make plans open the door.
Patients must learn HARDBALL game.
Enforcing rights makes health plans almost tame.